To my knowledge this lady is not a believer. And I just laughed thinking how crazy my life must look to her. To a random person looking in, my life must look like a disaster, a mess, unorganized, unplanned, and unstable. I don't meet any of the requirements of a normal, seemingly "successful" life. Yet, it isn't mine and that's the life I've chosen. Ever since I made the decision to surrender every part of my life to Jesus, it's been a roller coaster. To the observer it might look like a mess of ups, downs, back and forths. But all I know is since making that decision, I've never experienced more JOY. I've been places I never thought I'd see, been given relationships I didn't know I needed, and learned an intimacy and dependence on Jesus that I wouldn't trade for anything.
I am my beloved's and he is mine.
Of course, I have days where I wish for a planned out, predictable, stable life. One that is accepted and not at all ridiculed. One that includes a fancy job and a nice car, a family, and the idea of living in a house and growing old there for the next 70+ years. And there is nothing wrong with any of that. But I know Jesus has called me to something different.
When I read my Verse of 2015, it all makes sense:
"So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him." - 2 Corinthians 5:6-9
My aim is to please Him. He's the one who called me to follow. He is the one I am faithful to. He is the one who loved me first. And because of his love for me, I can say:
•I want to be a doer. I don't want to stand idly by, held back by fear or uncertainty.
•I want to be a risk taker and world changer
•I want to be a woman of unshakeable faith. A mountain mover. A person who daily walks on water. Not by my own strength that fails daily. All by the power of the one who called me
•I want to be the kind of woman God created me to be - not some copied version of someone else
•I don't want to settle. Not for what's easy. What's logical. What's comfortable. What's impressive or expected of me
•I want to love people like Jesus, not the way the world tells me to love.
•I don't want my failures to stop me from pursuing Jesus every day.
•I don't want to label myself when Jesus has already given me a name.
•I want to be a true worshiper. Compelled by love and totally enraptured by his presence.
•I don't want to be a dream hoarder. The only one I'm holding onto is him. I want more of him. That is my aim and my goal. He is my dream.
Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I'll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend I depart
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart
Like the wind You'll guide
Clear the skies before me
And I'll glide this open sea
Like the stars Your Word
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I've been
And where I am going
Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truths the compass that points me back north
Jesus, my captain
My soul's trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours